he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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