how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
