we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
you would pick up someone in the library
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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