Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Randomize
