Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
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in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
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The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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