He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Farmville is her only friend.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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