So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Two words: blizzard sex
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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