im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize
