Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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