Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
