he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
