I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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