Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
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Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
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But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize