So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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