so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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