if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
