The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
