dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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