wrigley field is MILF paradise
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
