just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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