I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
