Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Your tits are I can't wait for
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
