I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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