New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
