I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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