operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
