I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
