He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
