so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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