All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
