So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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