Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize