i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
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You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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