Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
