I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
