I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it