theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude