so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
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You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
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By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it