Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.