He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.