Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
