Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
