similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Randomize
