i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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