I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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