Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
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We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
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The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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