hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
