I love black thongs
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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