Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
