i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
