I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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