Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
