ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
