dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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