I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
