U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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