I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I think i peed on brittanys purse
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
