i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
