Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
