You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
