you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
