Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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