Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
