i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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