im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
