An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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