So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
