I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
