Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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