You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
