YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
