My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
