Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
